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Philosophy of this Approach
Process for Parties without Children
Process for Parties with Children
Won’t all of these experts cost me more than traditional divorce? (The answer is NO; click here to learn why.)
Four Benefits of the Divorce Expert-Team Approach
I’ve never heard of this before. Is it new?

Philosophy of this Approach

It makes sense in life to utilize experts; it makes sense because it saves time, money, and frustration, and increases confidence in the outcome. The divorce expert-team approach is a collaborative model that was developed at the Center for Separating with Civility & Divorcing with Dignity TM. It is based on the idea that building experts into the process from the beginning ultimately saves time, money, and frustration, and increases confidence in the outcome. The major areas of divorce are each attended to by a specialist in that area. Divorce involves four main areas of expertise: legal, financial, child, and overall communication/negotiation.

Process for Parties without Children

(1) Initial consultation with each spouse individually and the neutral communication consultant (up to 2 hours each spouse)

Communication Consultant Initial Meeting:In our Divorce Expert-Team Approach, each client meets with the neutral communications consultant first, before meeting with their attorneys, for two main reasons: (1) it sets the tone that this is a unique approach that is different than the traditional, adversarial process and is designed to be amicable, and (2) following the design of experts for every role, information gathering and process preparation are done by someone expert in effective communication. Our psychologists are experts in communication skills and the divorce process; we are trained to ask the right questions to help people understand their own underlying needs/interests, and to help them do this even when they first need to get past difficult emotions to achieve that clarity. This skill in targeted interviewing done in an empathetic manner by someone expert in helping people in times of high emotion make us an invaluable asset in helping parties identify their interests in a timely manner so that they can move on to discussing options. In addition, we know that distressing emotions often emerge during legal meetings between spouses, which then cause people to act in ways that can make reaching resolution much more difficult. We help people identify their possible triggers, and prepare for emotional reactions and how to deal with them in the moment. Our expertise in handling one’s own emotions and the emotional reactions of others provides a highly useful addition to the information that attorneys provide their clients.

The information gathered in these meetings will be passed on to the clients’ respective attorneys prior to the clients first attorney meetings, so that the attorneys have already been prepped on the case and are better able to make the first attorney meetings targeted and productive. Clients will also be given a list of financial and legal documents they should gather to take with them to their attorney meeting, again, so that first attorney meeting can be more productive. In addition, clients will be given a list of documents to take to their first financial planner meeting.

(2) First meeting with individual attorneys; each spouse meets individually with their attorney (up to 2 hours each spouse)

Attorney First Meeting: Your attorney will describe his or her way of working, and will review documents you have provided. Attorneys will also provide legal information and legal advice specific to their client’s situation. Your attorney will discuss with you your needs and interests, and how to get those best met in your separation and divorce agreement.

(3) First meeting with neutral divorce financial planner; spouses meet together with the neutral divorce financial planner (up to 2 hours)

Financial Planner First Meeting: A financial planner who is certified in divorce financial planning is an invaluable asset to the divorce process, since much fear and worry in divorce comes from concerns over finances. The financial planner can provide various short-term and long-term scenarios regarding division of property/assets/debts and cash flow (i.e., alimony and/or child support). These projections provide a view into how your financial decisions in the divorce will affect each spouse immediately and in years to come, thus taking the guesswork and related worry out of your decisions. This invaluable information helps both spouses feel secure in financial agreements they make. Meetings are conducted with both spouses present to preserve full disclosure; the financial planner is not an advocate for any one spouse but instead is a neutral who provides a wealth of information for spouses and their respective attorneys to utilize. In the first meeting the financial planner will review documents you have provided, and will discuss financial issues specific to your situation. He or she will use this information to run scenarios which will be provided to clients and their attorneys.

How Divorce Financial Planners Assist Clients

1. Analyze financial proposals.

2. Create forward-looking financial projections for the Client’s income and expenses for     any period - five years to life expectancy.

3. Discuss realistic personal financial goals with Client; establish realistic budgets.

4. Identify post-divorce cash flow, sources of income and expenses.

5. Assist Client in implementation of account transfers, refinancing, etc.

6. Identify the best resources to meet cash requirements.

7. Analyze the financial effect of accepting an immediate or deferred distribution from a     qualified plan.

8. Identify potential tax exposures.

9. Calculate the value of life insurance needed to protect alimony or child support     payments.

10. Evaluate the client’s personal need for insurance; evaluate existing insurance       portfolio.

11. Evaluate investment suitability.

12. Explain rules and regulations governing qualified retirement plans (401k and 403b)       and Individual Retirement Accounts (IRAs).

13. Review IRA rollover and/or withdrawal rules if necessary

14. Following settlement, determine which assets should be sold, which should be       kept.

15. Provide a personal checklist for the Client detailing action items required to meet       terms of Settlement Agreement.

(4) Financial feedback session with financial planner and attorneys + individual attorney meetings; spouses meet together with their respective attorneys and with the neutral divorce financial planner to review the financial scenarios (up to 2 hours). Parties may choose to have the communication consultant present if they wish. Immediately following this, spouses may also meet individually with their respective attorneys to discuss how this information affects their thoughts on how they hope their settlement agreement will be fashioned.

Financial Feedback Session: This provides an opportunity for spouses and attorneys to review the short and long term financial scenarios run by the financial planner, and to ask any questions each might have. Parties who have difficulty communicating may choose to have the communication consultant there to help foster effective communication, but generally the communication consultant does not attend this informational meeting unless asked. Spouses generally choose to meet individually with their respective attorneys following the financial feedback session to discuss this information and their thoughts about what they would like to see in their separation and divorce agreement. Spouses who are fairly amicable and close to agreement may extend this meeting into their first 4-way negotiation meeting of attorneys and clients. However, some spouses prefer to have some time to think about the financial scenarios before their first 4-way negotiation.

(5) Customized negotiation meeting with attorneys, and with other experts as needed.

Negotiation Meeting: Spouses meet together with their respective attorneys to negotiate the terms of their agreement.

Parties who have difficulty communicating or who are high-conflict may choose to have the communication consultant there to help foster effective communication and mediate sticking points. Our psychologists are experts in communication skills, and part of our communications expertise is in negotiation and conflict-resolution between people in relationships. As a relationship ends and emotions are high, we are skilled at strategies to help parties talk and listen in a way that they are able to negotiate effectively. We work with the team together to help parties get past any stuck points; we attend the meeting as neutrals to work with the team to avoid or break any impasses and keep the process moving.

Parties with complex financial issues or whose main sticking points are financial disagreements may choose to have the neutral divorce financial planner attend the meeting.

If the terms of the agreement are agreed upon in this meeting, the attorneys will draft the agreement to be signed at the last meeting. If the terms of the agreement are not agreed upon in this meeting, future meeting will be designed on a case-by-case meeting based on the needs of the parties. Parties will meet with whichever expert(s) on the team who could best address the sticking points and help parties come to an agreement.

(6) Final signing meeting with attorneys.

Final Meeting: Spouses meet together with their respective attorneys to review and sign their agreement.

Process for Parties with Children

(1) Initial consultation with each spouse individually and the neutral communication consultant (up to 2 hours each spouse)

Communication Consultant Initial Meeting:In our Divorce Expert-Team Approach, each client meets with the neutral communications consultant first, before meeting with their attorneys, for two main reasons: (1) it sets the tone that this is a unique approach that is different than the traditional, adversarial process and is designed to be amicable, and (2) following the design of experts for every role, information gathering and process preparation are done by someone expert in effective communication. Our psychologists are experts in communication skills and the divorce process; we are trained to ask the right questions to help people understand their own underlying needs/interests, and to help them do this even when they first need to get past difficult emotions to achieve that clarity. This skill in targeted interviewing done in an empathetic manner by someone expert in helping people in times of high emotion make us an invaluable asset in helping parties identify their interests in a timely manner so that they can move on to discussing options. In addition, we know that distressing emotions often emerge during legal meetings between spouses, which then cause people to act in ways that can make reaching resolution much more difficult. We help people identify their possible triggers, and prepare for emotional reactions and how to deal with them in the moment. Our expertise in handling one’s own emotions and the emotional reactions of others provides a highly useful addition to the information that attorneys provide their clients.

The information gathered in these meetings will be passed on to the clients’ respective attorneys prior to the clients first attorney meetings, so that the attorneys have already been prepped on the case and are better able to make the first attorney meetings targeted and productive. Clients will also be given a list of financial and legal documents they should gather to take with them to their attorney meeting, again, so that first attorney meeting can be more productive. In addition, clients will be given a list of documents to take to their first financial planner meeting.

(2) First meeting with individual attorneys; each spouse meets individually with their attorney (up to 2 hours each spouse)

Attorney First Meeting: Your attorney will describe his or her way of working, and will review documents you have provided. Attorneys will also provide legal information and legal advice specific to their client’s situation. Your attorney will discuss with you your needs and interests, and how to get those best met in your separation and divorce agreement.

(3) First meeting with neutral child specialist; spouses meet together with the neutral child specialist; customized consultation with parties together regarding child issues as needed, such as: telling children of decision to divorce, preparing parents to help children through the divorce process, how parents can minimize stress on the children, coaching for cooperative co-parenting, developing a parenting plan/custody agreement, and moving into two households.

Child Specialist First Meeting: The child specialist is there to answer the specific questions and concerns you may have regarding your child in the many domains that relate to children and divorce.

Parents often worry about how they will tell their child of the decision to divorce. Our child specialists work with parents to prepare for this important conversation. Based on their expertise in child development, they assist parents in making decisions about timing, messages that project the reality of the situation yet protect the child’s emotions, and how to handle reactions and questions.

Our child psychologists are specialists in the emotional and social development of children and teenagers. Parents may notice that their child is showing negative effects of the divorce, such as emotional upset or withdrawal, anger, anxiety, academic difficulties, problems with peers, drug or alcohol use, breaking rules, etc. The child specialist prepares parents for how to help their children get through the divorce process, and assists the parents in recognizing and meeting the child’s needs during this difficult time and transition.

In addition, they are able to provide coaching for cooperative co-parenting. People who are newly divorced are also learning to co-parent anew, with a transition to two households and changing roles and responsibilities with regard to parenting. These practical changes combined with difficult emotions from the divorce can make co-parenting challenging at times. With expertise in parenting, families, divorce, and conflict resolution, our child specialists help people develop a positive, cooperative, low-conflict shared parenting relationship.

The child specialist may work with the parents to develop and implement a parenting plan that reinforces a healthy, close relationship with both parents while instituting boundaries for the child’s behavior. Psychologists who are experts in child development, family relationships, and custody arrangements can be very helpful to parents as they decide what might be the best parenting plan for their child. We do not make the decision, but rather provide a wealth of information and professional thoughts that parents utilize as they wish in making their final decision. Consulting with someone who is an expert in these areas can help parents make a decision that they have confidence in. (We can also provide a full custody evaluation if that is needed; click here for complete information on parenting plans and custody evaluations.)

(4) Meeting with each child and Child Specialist (up to 1 hour per child); these individual meetings between the child and Child Specialist give children a voice in the process and allow them to feel respected and heard.

Child Specialist and Child Meetings: Our child specialists can provide the child a voice in the divorce process by assessing the child's needs and concerns. Children are often hesitant to be open with parents during separation and divorce, and child psychologists are trained in talking with children and teenagers during difficult times, thus we may be able to elicit more information than parents regarding the child’s true thoughts and feelings. In this manner we can be used to give the child a true, safe means of expression in the process.

(5) First meeting with neutral divorce financial planner spouses meet together with the neutral divorce financial planner (up to 2 hours)

Financial Planner First Meeting:

A financial planner who is certified in divorce financial planning is an invaluable asset to the divorce process, since much fear and worry in divorce comes from concerns over finances. The financial planner can provide various short-term and long-term scenarios regarding division of property/assets/debts and cash flow (i.e., alimony and/or child support). These projections provide a view into how your financial decisions in the divorce will affect each spouse immediately and in years to come, thus taking the guesswork and related worry out of your decisions. This invaluable information helps both spouses feel secure in financial agreements they make. Meetings are conducted with both spouses present to preserve full disclosure; the financial planner is not an advocate for any one spouse but instead is a neutral who provides a wealth of information for spouses and their respective attorneys to utilize. In the first meeting the financial planner will review documents you have provided, and will discuss financial issues specific to your situation. He or she will use this information to run scenarios which will be provided to clients and their attorneys.

(6) Financial feedback session with financial planner and attorneys + individual attorney meetings spouses meet together with their respective attorneys and with the neutral divorce financial planner to review the financial scenarios (up to 2 hours). Parties may choose to have the communication consultant present if they wish. Immediately following this, spouses may also meet individually with their respective attorneys to discuss how this information affects their thoughts on how they hope their settlement agreement will be fashioned.

Financial Feedback Session:
This provides an opportunity for spouses and attorneys to review the short and long term financial scenarios run by the financial planner, and to ask any questions each might have. Parties who have difficulty communicating may choose to have the communication consultant there to help foster effective communication, but generally the communication consultant does not attend this informational meeting unless asked. Spouses generally choose to meet individually with their respective attorneys following the financial feedback session to discuss this information and their thoughts about what they would like to see in their separation and divorce agreement. Spouses who are fairly amicable and close to agreement may extend this meeting into their first 4-way negotiation meeting of attorneys and clients. However, some spouses prefer to have some time to think about the financial scenarios before their first 4-way negotiation.

(7) Customized negotiation meeting with attorneys, and with other experts as needed.

Negotiation Meeting(s): Spouses meet together with their respective attorneys to negotiate the terms of their agreement. Depending on the needs of the parties, it may be only parties and attorneys present, or the parties may wish other experts to join the meeting.

Customized Options:

1. Parties who have difficulty communicating or who are high-conflict may choose to have the communication consultant there to help foster effective communication and mediate sticking points. Our psychologists are experts in communication skills, and part of our communications expertise is in negotiation and conflict-resolution between people in relationships. As a relationship ends and emotions are high, we are skilled at strategies to help parties talk and listen in a way that they are able to negotiate effectively. We work with the team together to help parties get past any stuck points; we attend the meeting as neutrals to work with the team to avoid or break any impasses and keep the process moving.

2. Parties with complex financial issues or whose main sticking points are financial disagreements may choose to have the neutral divorce financial planner attend the meeting.

3. Parties who have had the Child Specialist meet with their child will have the Child Specialist present (for at least part of the meeting) to share the child’s thoughts and feelings learned in the child meeting.

4. Parties who have had a more extended custody evaluation completed may have the Child Specialist/Evaluator present (for at least part of the meeting) to share the findings, or may choose simply to rely on the written report.

If the terms of the agreement are agreed upon in this meeting, the attorneys will draft the agreement to be signed at the final meeting. If the terms of the agreement are not agreed upon in this meeting, future meeting will be designed on a case-by-case meeting based on the needs of the parties. Parties will meet with whichever expert(s) on the team who could best address the sticking points and help parties come to an agreement.

(8) Final signing meeting with attorneys.

Final Meeting: Spouses meet together with their respective attorneys to review and sign their agreement.

Comparing Costs of the Divorce Expert-Team Approach
with Other Approaches

Experts = Efficiency. Empower yourself with expert knowledge and thus increase comfort in your decisions, avoid impasses by incorporating experts into the process up front, save time and money. The reality is that financial experts and child specialists are often used in divorce, though typically they are brought in once a couple has been stuck for a while and cannot come to any agreement. Having been stuck for a while means that money has been spent on attorney meetings to no avail; it is wasted money, and wasted time along the way, plus the added emotional turmoil that results from an impasse. There are two main ways that are effective in getting people in negotiation past impasses: (1) increase their knowledge of a subject so that they can then consider more possibilities, and/or (2) improve their ability in communication and negotiation. The latter is different depending on what is hampering the person’s abilities, which can include lack of assertiveness or fear of direct confrontation, emotional baggage, inability to control one’s temper, or even a simple lack of experience in negotiation. By incorporating experts into the process from the beginning, the entire process moves more quickly, and impasses are avoided, thus saving time, money, and stress. Our expert areas are chosen wisely: people most often argue over children and/or money.

To most people, whether you are wealthy, middle of the road, or struggle financially, money matters. That is, we all like to feel our money was spent usefully. Overall Divorce Expert-Team costs are generally dramatically less than legal fees for a contested divorce (one that concludes with a court trial or hearing), and equal to or less than a more traditional adversarial divorce model in which both parties retain attorneys to represent them but may conclude by settlement without a court trial or hearing.

As with the more traditional adversarial divorce model, in the Divorce Expert-Team approach both parties retain attorneys to represent them. The goal in the Divorce Expert-Team approach is to conclude by settlement without a court trial or hearing. Consider the costs of a high conflict divorce that ends in litigation: on-line divorce calculators for North Carolina put the cost of litigation at between a low of $26,000 to $130,000 or more PER SPOUSE, and this cost includes attorney fees only (outside experts are often used in litigation and thus there are fees in addition of attorney’s fees). In addition, litigation takes away your control and gives control to the judge. Judicial discretion. That is what litigation ends in. You pay tens of thousands or over a hundred thousand dollars… and you don’t even have the final say. Nor does your spouse. Nor do the attorneys you’ve been working so closely with. The irony is that the judge may come up with conditions that neither you nor your spouse are happy with. We’d like to help you avoid that. Though it may require some compromise, you ultimately maintain shared control of the negotiation process and self-determination of the outcome if you avoid litigation. Conversely, for clients who are seeking litigation, the Divorce Expert-Team approach is also useful in its use of outside experts who can provide a wealth of information that the court can utilize in making a final judgment.

Consider the costs of a low to moderate conflict divorce using the traditional adversarial divorce model in which both parties retain attorneys to represent them and concludes by settlement without a court trial or hearing: on-line divorce calculators for North Carolina put the cost at between a low of $6,000 to $30,000 or more PER SPOUSE, and this cost includes attorney fees only (outside experts are often used in settled cases and thus there are fees in addition of attorney’s fees). The Divorce Expert-Team approach can help keep you at the lower end of this $6K-$30K range by its built-in format of experts, efficiently helping you to clarify your underlying needs/interests needs, empowering you with expert knowledge so that you feel more certain about your positions and potential areas for compromise, increasing your comfort in negotiation, and allowing you to feel comfortable with the final settlement.

Four Benefits of the Divorce Expert-Team Approach

(1) Reduce Time and Costs
The legendary costs of both traditionally settled divorce disputes and divorce trials can quickly deplete any assets you have accumulated during your marriage. In contrast, the Divorce Expert-Team approach, with its built-in use of experts, accelerates the conclusion of divorce or parenting disputes. This affords cost savings, making this a truly affordable alternative.

(2) Reduce Stress
Knowing you have a team of experts working with you can be very comforting and empowering. Increasing your breadth and depth of knowledge regarding the financial issues related to divorce, and the child issues related to divorce if you have children, results in more confidence and control of the divorce process, and thus reduced stress.

(3) Increases Your Comfort with Your Final Settlement
With increased knowledge comes increased comfort with the final settlement. You will have clarity as to the meaning of your settlement and the process you took to agree to the final terms.

(4) Promotes Cooperative Co-Parenting
The amicable design helps to lessen conflict and focus on your children’s needs and on improving your parenting relationship over time. Couples with children are required to co-parent for many years, and thus they often have a compelling interest in managing their relationship with each other with dignity and respect. This approach promotes this objective, with the obvious benefit to your children and to your own sense of personal peace. Research findings confirm the importance of keeping conflict low in the divorce process for the benefit of the children.


Origins of the Divorce Expert-Team Approach

The Divorce Expert-Team approach has been developed at the Center for Separating with Civility & Divorcing with Dignity^®. It pulls heavily from the Collaborative Divorce approach, yet there are also significant differences. Click here for definitions of various divorce approaches.