This page will focus on our role as mediators/facilitators in the divorce process, but there are also many other important and useful roles we can serve in divorce, to include: communication consultant, child specialist, co-parenting consultant, parenting plan expert, and support person / therapist. Click here to learn more about those areas of expertise and assistance.

A Little History
Our roles as mediators came about over the years as people noted that our expertise in divorce and ability to act as neutrals, combined with our skill in facilitating positive communication under difficult circumstances, were a perfect combination for mediating the issues of divorce. Couples often came in saying that they wanted to avoid conflict as much as possible, and keep costs down by avoiding high attorney’s fees. They wanted someone who could facilitate the divorce process in a way that they could reach a fair settlement in an amicable manner. At Lepage Associates we designed Separating with Civility & Divorcing with Dignity^® as a facilitation and mediation process to meet this need.

Our Process
Our role is to facilitate discussions between spouses in order to help you and your spouse identify and resolve issues, and come to an agreement. Mediation is confidential, allows you and your spouse to make the decisions, and is much less expensive than filing a lawsuit. You can reach a positive agreement that is more customized than the one you would receive from a judge.

Mediation is a process of cooperation, not confrontation. As mediators, our role is to help you find and focus on common interests, understand each other’s concerns, explore a wide range of possible choices, and reach mutually acceptable solutions. We also support, encourage and guide you in treating each other with respect, listening to each other’s concerns, exploring all possible choices, and concentrating on amicable solutions. Our expertise as psychologists allows us to help each party move past difficult emotions that may threaten to block the process, and reach a settlement in as amicable a manner as possible under the circumstances. If needed, we will also have a Financial Planner with expertise in Divorce Financial Planning join our team as a neutral, to assist you in making financial decisions for the settlement. You can also choose to work with attorneys in adjunct to the mediation, to provide you with legal information and representation. Once an agreement has been reached, you can either Do-Your-Own-Divorce paperwork, or hire one or two lawyers to assist with the paperwork for the court.

About Mediation
Mediation allows you and your spouse to reach a fair settlement with the help of a third, neutral party. Mediators can be lawyers, mental health professionals, clergy, or other professionals; at The Center for Separating with Civility & Divorcing with Dignity^®, the mediators are psychologists who specialize in separation and divorce. Our role is to facilitate discussions between spouses in order to help you and your spouse identify and resolve issues. An important thing to understand is that mediators cannot give either of you legal advice (this is the case even if your mediator is an attorney), and are not a substitute for having your own lawyer who can provide legal advice and representation if you feel you need that. The mediator’s role is to help you and your spouse communicate and reach agreement, whereas a lawyer’s role is to make sure your legal rights are protected. If both spouses feel reasonably competent to negotiate for themselves, then traditional mediation can be an excellent way to reduce conflict, cost, and time in the divorce process. There are also ways to add attorney involvement to the mediation process, thus providing parties with legal advice and representation, yet still utilizing the positive approach of mediation versus the adversarial process.
Traditional Mediation versus Mediation with Representation
Mediation  The Complete Divorce Forms Book The psychologist acting as a neutral party helps you mediate the points of your agreement. A divorce financial planner may also be used as needed as a neutral party to help with financial understanding and decisions. Some people also chose to have a one-time consult with an attorney to ask legal questions related to divorce. The final agreements regarding property distribution, parenting plans (child custody), and cash flow will be written into a Memorandum of Understanding. Parties can then either file paperwork themselves (the Do-Your-Own-Divorce approach), or can have paperwork done by one or two attorneys.

Mediation with Representation at the End If one attorney does your paperwork, that attorney can only officially represent one spouse, due to the adversarial system of the law. Thus the attorney is actually only hired by one spouse, and the other spouse does not have representation. Some parties still prefer this approach because it is less costly than hiring two attorneys and they feel comfortable with the points they have agreed to. If two attorneys do your paperwork, then both spouses have legal representation. While this costs more, it is still less expensive than the traditional divorce process with two attorneys, as points have already been worked out in mediation and the attorney involvement is much less as they are simply reviewing points agreed on before finalizing the paperwork. Some parties prefer this approach because they both have an attorney who represents them specifically review their agreement; attorneys typically prefer this approach.

Mediation with Representation Throughout The psychologist acting as a neutral party helps you mediate the points of your agreement. However, each party has an attorney to provide legal information. Some people find this to be an ideal combination, in which they have legal representation, yet are not engaging in the typical adversarial process of divorce; they use the legal information to inform their own decision-making, but still mediate specifics with their spouse and the mediator versus through attorneys. At Lepage Associates we can suggest attorneys who can work well within this process and who are dedicated to providing top-notch legal advice and representation without interfering with the parties’ attempts to remain amicable through the divorce process. A divorce financial planner may also be used as needed as a neutral party to help with financial understanding and decisions. The final agreements regarding property distribution, parenting plans (child custody), and cash flow will be written into a Memorandum of Understanding. Attorneys for each party will then review the Memorandum and complete all necessary paperwork for the court.

Comparing Costs of Mediation with Other Approaches
To most people, whether you are wealthy, middle of the road, or struggle financially, money matters. That is, we all like to feel our money was spent usefully. Overall mediation costs are generally dramatically less than legal fees for a contested divorce (one that concludes with a court trial or hearing), or even for a divorce in which both parties retain attorneys to represent them but concludes by settlement without a court trial or hearing.

Mediation typically takes 4-8 hours total (done in 2-hour sessions), but that varies of course by the needs of each couple; at the low end a couple may come in for only one 2-hour session, at the high end couples with more issues to be worked out and/or with high conflict between them may take up to 12 hours (six 2-hour sessions). Couples with children have more topics to be considered and thus will meet with us between three to four 2-hour sessions to consider, discuss and arrive at a mutually acceptable resolution of all divorce issues. Most divorcing couples without children will meet with us only two sessions, and sometimes only a single session.

We charge $200 per hour, thus TOTAL costs of mediation are $800-$1,600 (or $400-$800 per spouse if you are splitting costs equally). Even the higher-time cases of 12 hours have a total cost of $2,400 (or $1,200 per spouse). Most attorneys charge a $3,000 retainer (this is thus per spouse) just to get started on your case, with an expectation that the final costs per spouse will be over $6,000 if the case is settled and over $26,000 per spouse if the case goes to court. We do not require retainers and instead allow people to pay meeting by meeting for the hours used. Should you have attorneys enter the mediation process at the end for review and paperwork, that will add approximately $750 to $1,500 to your total cost.

Consider the costs of a high conflict divorce that ends in litigation: on-line divorce calculators for North Carolina put the cost of litigation at between a low of $26,000 to $130,000 or more PER SPOUSE.

Consider the costs of a low to moderate conflict divorce using the traditional adversarial divorce model in which both parties retain attorneys to represent them and concludes by settlement without a court trial or hearing: on-line divorce calculators for North Carolina put the cost at between a low of $6,000 to $30,000 or more PER SPOUSE.

Do you really want that much money to be spent on this conflict? Imagine all that you could do with that money: investments, vacations, children’s college funds, new home, etc.

FIVE Benefits of Mediation

 (1) Reduce Costs 
The legendary costs of both settled divorce disputes and divorce trials can quickly deplete any assets you have accumulated during your marriage. In contrast, mediation, which relies on direct communication and the mediator’s skill in keeping the dialog constructive and focused, accelerates the conclusion of divorce or parenting disputes. This affords very substantial cost savings, making divorce mediation a truly affordable alternative.

 (2) Comfortable Atmosphere & Respectful Process 
The atmosphere is comfortable and informal, and the process is empowering and efficient. Meetings take place in a comfortable and informal office setting instead of a drab conference room, and communication is fostered between spouses instead of through attorneys.

 (3) ConfidentiAL 
All of your settlement discussions in family and divorce mediation are protected by North Carolina law as absolutely confidential. It is “safe” to consider options and alternatives in mediation without fear that your statements or questions or concerns might be used against you in court or elsewhere. Your family’s circumstances remain undisclosed as well, rather than discussed in court papers or in open court.

 (4) Preserves Control; Allows for Individual Creativity & More    Satisfying Solutions 
All matters are determined by you, directly, and without control by lawyers or Orders of judges. Cooperative face-to-face problem solving often allows for more detailed planning and more creative and satisfactory outcomes. In mediation, it is much easier to discuss your separate visions of your after-divorce needs and circumstances, and then structure agreements to achieve your financial needs and the needs of your children.

 (5) Promotes Cooperative Co-Parenting 
Mediation helps to focus on your children’s needs and on improving your parenting relationship over time. Couples with children are required to co-parent for many years, and thus they often have a compelling interest in managing their relationship with each other with dignity and respect. Mediation promotes this objective, with the obvious benefit to your children and to your own sense of personal peace. Research findings confirm the astonishing and persistent benefits of even a modest commitment to divorce mediation rather than litigation, in resolving divorce or child custody disputes. Click here for more information.

At Lepage Associates one of our largest areas of expertise is helping adults and children who are going through separation and divorce. There are many ways we can be of help during the process: communication consultant, child specialist, co-parenting consultant, parenting plan expert, support person/therapist. Please click here for more information on these roles, or call us for more information or for an initial consult.