Co-parenting is never easy. But when you add the stress of ongoing family law proceedings, even the most well-intentioned parents can struggle to stay grounded. Whether the issue is child custody, visitation schedules, or decision-making rights, emotions often run high—and it’s the kids who can feel the pressure the most.
At Lepage Associates, we work with families across Durham, Raleigh, and Chapel Hill who are navigating this incredibly difficult time. As clinical psychologists who regularly consult in family law cases, we’ve seen what helps and what hurts.
Here are practical dos and don’ts to protect your children’s well-being while managing co-parenting during litigation.
✅ DO: Keep the Focus on the Child's Best Interests
This phrase—child’s best interests—is the gold standard in any custody dispute. But it’s more than legal jargon. It means making choices that prioritize your child’s emotional safety, routine, and connection to both parents (when safe and appropriate).
That might mean being flexible with an extracurricular activity, letting your child maintain a consistent bedtime, or agreeing to a parenting handoff that minimizes tension.
📍 In Chapel Hill, Durham, and Raleigh, we help parents create custody arrangements and parenting plans that keep kids’ needs front and center—no matter what’s happening in court.
❌ DON’T: Put Your Children in the Middle
We can’t stress this enough: don’t put your children in the role of messenger, referee, or confidante. Even subtle comments like “Tell your dad he’s late again,” or “Your mom’s making this harder than it needs to be” can create deep emotional conflict for a child.
They should never feel they have to choose sides or manage adult dynamics. Protecting their sense of stability is part of protecting their mental health.
✅ DO: Stick to the Parenting Plan
If a temporary or permanent parenting plan is in place, follow it closely. Courts view this as a measure of a parent’s ability to cooperate—and your kids need the predictability.
If an adjustment needs to be made (for instance, around a school performance or medical appointment), document it clearly and communicate respectfully.
Consistency builds trust—not only with your co-parent, but more importantly, with your children.
❌ DON’T: Use Social Media as a Weapon
Social media can be a dangerous tool in family litigation. What may feel like venting online can be interpreted by the court as undermining your parenting relationship or acting in bad faith.
Never post about your co-parent, your case, or your children’s struggles publicly. And avoid passive-aggressive memes or comments—they do more harm than good.
🧠 Need guidance on protecting your child’s well-being during a custody dispute? Our clinicians in Durham, Raleigh, and Chapel Hill offer both therapy and consultation services tailored to family transitions.
✅ DO: Manage Your Own Mental Health
Litigation is stressful. If you’re dealing with emotional overwhelm, substance abuse, or unresolved trauma (especially in cases involving domestic violence), it’s critical to seek support—for your own sake and your child’s.
Therapy can help you regulate your emotions, communicate more effectively, and stay grounded in difficult moments.
Taking care of your mental health isn’t selfish. It’s one of the best things you can do for your child.
❌ DON’T: Talk About Court in Front of the Kids
Even if your children ask questions, keep legal discussions out of earshot. Talking about hearings, lawyer fees, or who’s “winning” can put pressure on your child and spark anxiety or confusion.
They don’t need the details—they need reassurance that both parents love them and are doing their best to figure things out.
💬 Want help explaining family changes in a child-centered way? Our child and family therapists in Raleigh, Chapel Hill, and Durham can guide you through age-appropriate communication strategies during separation or litigation.
Final Thought: Put Your Children First—Even When It’s Hard
There’s no easy way to parent during litigation. But there is a right way: Keep the focus on your child, manage your emotions away from them, and respect the legal and emotional boundaries in place.
Even if your relationship with your co-parent is strained, your child benefits when both adults act in their best interest.
🌱 At Lepage Associates, we support families throughout Durham, Raleigh, and Chapel Hill with therapy, custody consultations, and court-informed guidance. If you’re struggling to co-parent during a legal dispute, we’re here to help you make choices that protect your child—and your peace of mind.