For many families, the holidays are joyful—and complicated. For divorced parents, this time of year can bring tough choices about holiday plans, traditions, and who spends which moments with the kids. The goal isn’t to recreate the past; it’s to help your child feel secure, connected, and included as your family dynamic evolves.
At Lepage Associates, serving Durham, Raleigh, and Chapel Hill, we help families create child-centered plans for navigating the holidays—so kids can experience the season with less stress and more warmth.
Start With the Child’s Experience
Children want predictability and presence more than perfection. When building a holiday schedule, keep their needs central:
- Name what matters most. Ask your child which family traditions feel most special—decorating, a certain recipe, reading a story on Christmas Eve, or a morning walk.
- Protect sleep and routines. Kids handle family gatherings better when they’re rested and fed.
- Avoid loyalty binds. Let them enjoy time with extended family on both sides without pressure to “pick.”
Need help designing a child-first holiday schedule? Our clinicians in Raleigh, Durham, and Chapel Hill guide families through calm, practical planning.
Make a Clear Plan (and Share It Early)
Surprises fuel anxiety. Share the plan in advance with your co-parent and your child:
- Dates & timing: Who has Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, and Christmas Day this year? What’s the pickup/drop-off plan?
- Locations: Which family member is hosting? How will transitions between homes work during the holiday season?
- Backup options: Weather, illness, or travel hiccups happen—agree on contingencies.
Put it in writing. A reliable plan lowers conflict and frees kids to focus on enjoying the holiday.
Honor Old Traditions—Create New Ones
Kids grieve change, even in happy seasons. Keep one or two cherished rituals and add something new:
- Carry one forward. If you always baked cookies with friends and family, keep it—maybe on a different day.
- Add a new touch. A first-annual movie night, a service project, or a breakfast picnic can become your unique “together” time.
- Include both sides. If your child celebrates the holiday with you and also with their other parent, use different traditions so each home feels special—no competition, just complement.
Looking to reduce tension around holiday plans? We support Durham, Chapel Hill, and Raleigh families with co-parenting consultation focused on stability and connection.
Keep Transitions Light and Child-Centered
Holidays often mean multiple stops. To soften transitions:
- Pack ahead. Include favorite pajamas, comfort items, and any gifts that travel between homes.
- Keep goodbyes calm. A warm handoff helps kids shift without carrying adult stress.
- Use brief rituals. A selfie before leaving, a shared hot cocoa, or a “see you tomorrow” note makes movement between homes feel safe.
Remember: the handoff is not the moment to debate logistics—save adult conversations for later.
Be Inclusive With Extended Family
Family gatherings can bring joy—and mixed emotions. Prepare extended family to keep things child-focused:
- Set expectations. Ask relatives to avoid negative talk about the other parent.
- Mind the questions. Well-meaning curiosity can feel intrusive; model neutral, supportive language.
- Flexibility counts. If large crowds are overwhelming, arrange a quieter visit with a beloved family member.
When adults are respectful and predictable, kids can enjoy friends and family without feeling caught in the middle.
Mind the Meaning, Not the Date
If you can’t have the kids on Christmas Day, consider celebrating on a nearby date. What matters is the memory, not the calendar square. You can still have the tree, the music, the special meal, the tradition—just shifted. Children remember warmth and presence more than timestamps.
Practice Self-Compassion
Holidays can amplify adult grief. Get support so your child doesn’t absorb your stress. Therapy, movement, and quiet rituals help you stay grounded and emotionally available.
💬 If the season feels heavy, our therapists in Chapel Hill, Raleigh, and Durham provide individual and family support to keep the focus on your child’s wellbeing.
Final Thought: Your Child’s Holiday Can Still Be Bright
With planning, respect, and flexibility, divorced parents can craft holidays that feel steady and loving. Keep the child’s needs first, communicate clearly, and allow traditions to evolve. Different doesn’t mean lesser; it can mean intentional, meaningful, and deeply connected.
📍 Ready to create a smoother holiday for your family? Contact Lepage Associates in Durham, Raleigh, or Chapel Hill to build a child-centered plan that makes room for joy this time of year—in both homes.